July 5, 2007 |
Posted By Patrick J. Lamb |
0 Comments |
To Be Or Not To Be (In The Box)
I'm confused.I've been described as an "out-of-the-box" thinker. I took that as a positive. But then I was reading Harry Beckwith's You, Inc. Harry writes:
Fast forward. I just finished reading a book recommended by my coach, Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out Of The Box. Written by The Arbinger Institute, the book is the story of how being in the box is a bad thing. The "box" is where you focus on yourself, not others (spouse, children, colleague, client, etc.). From the book:"Your box--your way of thinking, working and living--has worked for you. Its the box in which you were born, a product of the DNA with which you were encoded. You can change your box about as easily as you can alter the shape of your head.
You are methodical or mercurial; you are lateral or linear; you tend to be inward, or outward. But from birth, you are who you are. It's a pretty good box--the box in which you have operated forever.
Don't try to think outside your box; its too hard. Instead, grow it."
Self-betrayal is how we enter the box. Self-betrayal is:It is a most compelling book, especially if you are at all prone to self-analysis.
1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of self-betrayal.
2. When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal.
3. When I see a self-justifying world, my view of reality becomes distorted.
4. So--when I betray myself, I enter the box.
But you see the rub. One book says being in the box is good. The other book says being in the box is bad. For me, the "box" has become an amorphism--useless.
Perhaps we can try a different approach. Every person needs to have a few (and I mean a very few) core principles. For example, integrity would be a good core principle. Each person also needs to have a core principle about change--be change inevitable and positive and therefore something to be welcomed; or change being something that should be resisted when a positive or "right" environment is obtained. From there, I suggest moving to reverse engineering, asking these simple questions:
1. What do you want to happen?
2. Who must be involved to make it so?
3. What will cause that person want to give you what you seek?
4. How do I get there from where I am now--in other words, how can
I help facilitate the cause?
In the context of Leadership and Self-Deception, the gist is that you will be more effective and more objective in your interpersonal interactions if you focus on the other person. The box doesn't matter anymore.
For me, the issue is no longer to be in the box or not. The metaphor is a limiting one. Perhaps it is for you as well.
Post A Comment / Question